Cathy is a cute girl. She has a short hair and a smiley face, she is good to everyone and be kind to the dogs and cats. She is good at singing and dancing, but she is bad at mathematics.
My sister is a weird tempered person. She looks normal and she is smart. She always act normal even when she is mad or happy. No one can really understand what mood she is in.
Tracey is a perfect girl. She is temperament and versatile. She always tie a pony tale and wear decent clothes when I saw her. She’s not only had good grades, but also proficient at sports and instruments. I never saw her angry and never heard of her got angry either
Ana is erudite but stingy Ana is a girl who always get A+ in the class ,but when others students asked her questions, she wouldn’t answer anything .Not only at the class but also at the dorm when her classmates need her help on the homework or new test.
My sister,Kitty,is a beautiful but selfish person. She wakes up early to put some makeup and blows her hair. She always be bright outside. Many boys falling in love with her. What they don’t know is that she’s actually a selfish person. She doesn’t like to share her stuff with anyone. She always think about herself. She even don’t care about other’s feelings. She lets me know that don’t judge a book by its cover.
My sister is my best friend,who is a positive and friendly person. Nowadays,I often argue with my parents,when I am in a bad mood, she will encourage me and tell me to do my best while facing difficulties,sometimes when I have problem doing my assignment, she will teach me how to solve it.She is really good at math and can easily solve out the problem.However,sometime she forgot to mop the floor so I need to remind her all the time,this makes me feel very speechless.
My brother is smart but sometimes clumsy. He can spend only few times on understanding math and Physics which I used to trubble in.However,it is his cleverness that cause him doing somthing annoyed. For example,he hides behind the wall to scare me. Besides,he can make others speechless during quarrels.
My younger brother is a talented boy. His looks is like sportsman. Even though he isn’t high, but he has strong muscles and his skin was bronzed because he used to learn soft ball and baseball before. Now he loves dancing. He said he is shy and timid, but his friends and I think he is humorous. Actually he is very smart. He passed elite junior high school even though he studied only half years for the test. However he hates schoolwork, so his grades are not good.
My mother is a pretty woman. She has a beautiful black hair,deep eyes in brown,and a high nose. So, many people think she is a foreigner. She is kind and tender just like an angel,but she is overprotective of me.
It seems you want to focus on pretty woman. Please focus on one topic sentence. if the first sentence is your topic sentence, then "tender" and "overprotective" will be digressions.
When he was about 5. I had to bring him to the park for releasing his energy 3 times a week after work. Every time I stayed more than 2 hours.
I still remembered once. I felt tired and uncomfortable. I bought him home and He was not satisfied yet. He did not want to get in and cried on the entrance hall for long long time. That was miserable.
Pyramus is a handsome guy with fair hair and everybody agree that he is the most beautiful youth in Babylon.He is a Dedicated man,he is very faithful to Thisbe. He would die for her.However,he is a hasty person ,he committed suicide after he saw Thisbe's cloak was shredded by lioness. He thought Thisbe were eaten by the lioness.
Henry is a amiable and agreeable person. He is not very tall, and has short hair. He is quite handsome, and always with a warm smile on his face. He is good at getting along with people, and a expressive person. Although he is friendly, but he also is a little bit pensive sometimes. 明德
My mother is strict but also nice. Her face and voice scared me when she discovered I did a bad thing. However, she are always concerned about me. She is good at cooking.She often cooks the dishes I like, but she controls my life too much sometimes.
My brother is the sweetest man in the world. Although he is not very handsome,he is very tall. He is careful and good at observing. Everytime when I was sad,he always the first one know. However, sometime he is very childish. That's really make me mad.
Cathy is a cute girl. She has a short hair and a smiley face, she is good to everyone and be kind to the dogs and cats. She is good at singing and dancing, but she is bad at mathematics.
回覆刪除The second sentence: comma splice.
刪除Topic sentence?
Taylor is very beautiful.
回覆刪除She is kind person, she always smiling, everyday she wears a long dress.
Taylor is friendly , but she has a bad temper.
Taylor is very beautiful.
She is kind person, she always smiling, everyday she wears a long dress.
Taylor is friendly , but she has a bad temper.
The second sentence: comma splice.
刪除Topic sentence?
My sister is a weird tempered person. She looks normal and she is smart. She always act normal even when she is mad or happy. No one can really understand what mood she is in.
回覆刪除weird
刪除Tracey is a perfect girl. She is temperament and versatile. She always tie a pony tale and wear decent clothes when I saw her. She’s not only had good grades, but also proficient at sports and instruments. I never saw her angry and never heard of her got angry either
回覆刪除perfect....... ok
刪除can be more specific.
Ana is erudite but stingy
回覆刪除Ana is a girl who always get A+ in the class ,but when others students asked her questions, she wouldn’t answer anything .Not only at the class but also at the dorm when her classmates need her help on the homework or new test.
good!
刪除My sister,Kitty,is a beautiful but selfish person. She wakes up early to put some makeup and blows her hair. She always be bright outside. Many boys falling in love with her. What they don’t know is that she’s actually a selfish person. She doesn’t like to share her stuff with anyone.
回覆刪除She always think about herself. She even don’t care about other’s feelings. She lets me know that don’t judge a book by its cover.
vivid, good!
刪除but some grammatical mistakes.
falls in love
刪除thinks
刪除You are also very beautiful.
刪除My sister is my best friend,who is a positive and friendly person. Nowadays,I often argue with my parents,when I am in a bad mood, she will encourage me and tell me to do my best while facing difficulties,sometimes when I have problem doing my assignment, she will teach me how to solve it.She is really good at math and can easily solve out the problem.However,sometime she forgot to mop the floor so I need to remind her all the time,this makes me feel very speechless.
回覆刪除focus on one or two things.
刪除comma splice.
My brother is smart but sometimes clumsy. He can spend only few times on understanding math and Physics which I used to trubble in.However,it is his cleverness that cause him doing somthing annoyed. For example,he hides behind the wall to scare me. Besides,he can make others speechless during quarrels.
回覆刪除ok
刪除What is your definition of "clumsy"?
刪除My younger brother is a talented boy. His looks is like sportsman. Even though he isn’t high, but he has strong muscles and his skin was bronzed because he used to learn soft ball and baseball before. Now he loves dancing. He said he is shy and timid, but his friends and I think he is humorous. Actually he is very smart. He passed elite junior high school even though he studied only half years for the test. However he hates schoolwork, so his grades are not good.
回覆刪除topic sentence?
刪除try to focus on one thing.
My mother is a pretty woman. She has a beautiful black hair,deep eyes in brown,and a high nose. So, many people think she is a foreigner. She is kind and tender just like an angel,but she is overprotective of me.
回覆刪除It seems you want to focus on pretty woman.
刪除Please focus on one topic sentence.
if the first sentence is your topic sentence, then "tender" and "overprotective" will be digressions.
Wesley is my first kid. He is thin but energetic.
回覆刪除When he was about 5. I had to bring him to the park for releasing his energy 3 times a week after work. Every time I stayed more than 2 hours.
I still remembered once. I felt tired and uncomfortable. I bought him home and He was not satisfied yet. He did not want to get in and cried on the entrance hall for long long time. That was miserable.
"energetic": vivid, good!
刪除but "thin" ?
maybe you need to change your topic sentence.
回覆刪除Pyramus is a handsome guy with fair hair and everybody agree that he is the most beautiful youth in Babylon.He is a Dedicated man,he is very faithful to Thisbe. He would die for her.However,he is a hasty person ,he committed suicide after he saw Thisbe's cloak was shredded by lioness. He thought Thisbe were eaten by the lioness.
Henry is a amiable and agreeable person. He is not very tall, and has short hair. He is quite handsome, and always with a warm smile on his face. He is good at getting along with people, and a expressive person. Although he is friendly, but he also is a little bit pensive sometimes.
回覆刪除明德
topic sentence?
刪除focus on one thing.
My mother is strict but also nice. Her face and voice scared me when she discovered I did a bad thing. However, she are always concerned about me. She is good at cooking.She often cooks the dishes I like, but she controls my life too much sometimes.
回覆刪除You have a good topic sentence.
刪除My brother is the sweetest man in the world. Although he is not very handsome,he is very tall. He is careful and good at observing. Everytime when I was sad,he always the first one know. However, sometime he is very childish. That's really make me mad.
回覆刪除topic sentence?
刪除try to focus on one thing.